My creative juicer is broken...

Tonight my manager addressed me as "creative mind." That title couldn't possibly be farther from the truth right now. I've been down in the dumps-y all week and unable to finish anything worth merit, but I figured I'd give it a late night college try. 

Monday the TV dude came. Well, a new TV dude...not the previously mentioned Dish Network Creeper. He told me that the aforementioned creeper installed a sick HDMI cable and that my TV woes would be over. I spent the day celebrating this fact, I think. Oh, and attempting to talk some sense into admissions at Shepherd to get them to forward my application as a non-degree seeking student quick like a bunny to Tracy Seffers for my English classes next semester. 

Tuesday was my first adventure in substitute teacher land, and boy was it. Eighth grade English. I went to the school on the "bad" side of town with the "bad" reputation. Those kids sure did give Ms. Joan Jett (I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation...) a run for her money. Halfway through the day, the most logical action to take was turning off all of the classroom lights and hiding under the desk instead of retrieving the kiddos from lunch. I'm pretty sure it was a combination of factors. Mostly age, though. Eighth grade is rough wherever you go...even in my lily-white, middle class, picket fence and cookies side of town when I was thirteen...eighth grade sucked. I'm due to sub tomorrow, but my tummy is acting all weird (I tried to bring back my stomach of steel this weekend -- no success), so I'm getting up at 6 in the morning to see how I feel, after that I can call the sub system and call out. 

Really, all I think I need is a day off. After a really rough first day of subbing (even the secretaries at the school I was in felt bad for me...) I had about an hour to re-charge my batteries at the new-ish Starbucks in Hagerstown and then had to report to work to close. I proceeded to close most of the nights last week (I need time to sub) and worked all weekend and now I'm exhausted. My body may very well be screaming for a day off to get my self settled for a big train adventure starting on Sunday. 

Yes, train adventure. For those readers who don't know me...somewhere between my spring break trip to San Francisco and a visit to my mother when she first moved into the new house in Texas in April, I developed a paralyzing fear of flying. I discovered the greatness of Amtrak over the summer, and it's a three-day journey from here to there, but an enjoyable one with a lay over in Chicago (yes, I'm aware this makes no sense geographically...). I'll get to that later. 

Basically...nothing's been really coming out as far as words are concerned, and I'm truly worried that all this retail and yelling at kiddies is going to turn my brain to more mush and I won't be able to recover when I start classes. 

But, then again, I worry too much. 

How are you? 

Thank you, God, for streaming video

For the past two days, I've been pretty down in the dumps. Basically because of a combination of being stuck at this job and totally impatient for school to start again (my element), irritation with change (not of the political variety) and over all restlessness and an ill-stimulated brain. A friend of mine came to the rescue with the most incredible viral video to hit my Safari screen...

PUPPY CAM!

Seriously, click that little link up there for the biggest influx of adorable you'll ever see on your web browser. These six little Shiba Inu puppies spend the day frolicking in a pet carrier of sorts. They sleep a lot, but there's typically an evil little instigator that wakes all of the puppies up - or at least attempts to by hopping on top of the pile-o-adorable. 

I highly recommend making the video small and keeping it up in the corner of your screen while your computer is powered up. They're broadcasting the video, for the most part, 24 hours a day. When the puppies are sleeping there's a screen saver, so you'll know when it's nap time for a few hours. They just sort of do their adorable little puppy thing throughout the day. It's sure to bring you a smile. 

My entire family is hooked on puppy cam as of this blog update. 

I have my first substitute job tomorrow morning. A middle school English class. The school doesn't have the greatest reputation in the county I'm on the sub roll for, but I've been told that it's merely just a reputation and not reality. I'm excited and nervous. I'll be leaving the house tomorrow at 6:30, teaching until about 2:20, taking a break to recharge my batteries (drink coffee) and working at the outlets from 4-9:30. 

Should be an adventure. I'll let you know how it goes. 

Enjoy puppy cam! 

Sex & the Small Town?!

Will someone please, please tell me the appeal of these adorable little drinks, with their adorable little colors, fruity flavors and fabulous glasses? 

Please, someone, so I can justify how much goes out of my wallet and behind a bar whenever my girl friends and I go to the 3 Onions.  

It, honestly, is probably because when the bartender hands me my tab at the end of the evening, the item name reads "Ladies Night" next to the price. Sipping something fruity and girly and catching up on months worth of gossip is best done over two beverages - coffee or martinis. Coffee, however, does not come with a receipt with the word "Ladies Night" on it. Honestly, I just need to stop pretending. My friends and I will never be quite "Sex & the City" caliber. In fact, most of the gossip of the evening was about future (too young!) weddings and relationships. None of my friends (or myself, for that matter) have a fighting chance of becoming the Sex & the City ladies. So instead on staying single for a long time and joining together to talk about our escapades over martinis, we gossip and try not to cry because of the bill at the end of the night. 

Really, this is just a public cry for help. My weeks (months) of living simply are being tested currently. Something came over me this week (pre-celebration for an extremely and unrealistic economic improvement?) and I have been incredibly liberal with my money. This includes a number of shared pitchers of beer and cheese fries on Tuesday, extra coffee Thursday and ballet flats from Aldo and martinis tonight. I need to be realistic again and remember that I work in retail and haven't had any sub positions yet. 

There's just something so nice in pretending. And something so much better about gossip said over a fruity concoction in a fabulous glass...

Though, if I keep this up there's no way I'll be able to keep putting away this money to get those beautiful new MacBooks that were just released so I can get one somewhere between March and May. Stay back delicious pumpkin pie martinis (yes, pumpkin pie martinis), stay back! 

Be Nice.

Be nice to your retail associates. Treat them with respect, not like they are stupid. They are not your maids and are sometimes (usually) multi tasking. 

There are many times at work when I am the only associate on the floor. My managers are usually in the back with our stock or taking care of administrative things. It's frustrating when people just starting talking at me. Not acknowledging me with some sort of greeting, just holding something up and yelling "do you have this?" The irritation on their face when I say I'll go look is incredibly obvious, and it's worse when we don't have the item at all. It honestly isn't my fault that we don't have what you are looking for. I didn't call and ask specifically for that item to be left in the factory on shipment day. 

Chances are, if you greet me and hold a conversation with me while I'm helping you, I'll show you something else you may like or offer to order something for you. However, if you treat me like an idiot I will act like an idiot and apologize and get back to re-hanging the mountain you left in the fitting room. 

And, one more thing. In this economy, your retail associate probably has a college education, or is working to finish a college education. Please do not speak to them like they have a fourth grade education. 

I suppose I'm a little disgruntled. I love my customers that come in and chat with me. Chatty customers aren't the norm, so I'm excited that a new opportunity has finally presented itself. 

I'm officially on the substitute teacher roll for Washington County, Maryland. They can call me starting tonight for future jobs. I'm really excited about it. This will be a good chance to put myself around students and get my foot in the door for a local school system. I'm not sure when my first job will be, but I'll keep you posted. 

In general - this week...try to be nice. The results always end up incredible.

Terror in Dating

While at work today, I needed things to think about, and actually found some sort of inspiration in a friend of mine who is going through a bit of a rough spot currently. 

So, I'm writing about it. She gave me permission, no worries. 

Two friends of mine recently ended a pretty long term relationship. Along with the troubles that accompany any ended relationship, my friend is also now thinking about re-entering the dating world with a vivacious attitude that only recently single girls really ever have. It's cute, but when I see her going through this, between the stresses of dating and the excitement of being a new, single woman I can't help but feel bad for her. 

I really hope John is the one for me at this point, because I really don't know what I would do without him or what I would do if I was suddenly faced with the thought of, ick, dating.

We don't realize it after it's happened...it being...you know...those awkward strings of first meetings when two people are deciding how they feel about one another. (I'm leaving this completely gender neutral, I'm straight, but not narrow, folks) In fact, as I explained to my friend tonight it seems that my generation has tried to eliminate the stress put on the word dating by using the word in a completely different context. 

Now, dating has been replaced with hanging out. Hanging out being those first few meeting points where to prospective relationship participants. In the past, the term hanging out took a lot of stress off of being around a boy I was attracted to. It was easy to say I was just hanging out with someone, going for a cup of coffee or a bite to eat, just as I would with a close friend or relative. It didn't bring along too many questions of kissing and hugging and baby making, until, of course, we get to the subject of payment. (To be explained later)

My mother has told me that my hanging out is her generation's dating. That dating was something people did when they were testing the waters of mutual attraction. Courting, to bring it back even further. While my mother's generation went steady my generation dates or is together. We're all just terrified. 

Semantics aside, hanging out becomes questionable as soon as wallets, cash and debit cards are pulled out. Early boyfriends never really forked out the cash for any dates, so in December of 2006, the following conversation had with my roommate came as a bit of a shock to me. 

Roommate: So, what did you guys do this afternoon?

Clueless me: We had coffee at the Lost Dog, walked around town for a bit in that bookstore and then had dinner at Blue Moon. 

Really? Who paid?

Well, we each paid for our own cup of coffee...

Oh, not a date.

What? He bought dinner. 

THAT WAS A DATE. 

Had I any idea that the mere thought of this poor boy pulling out his wallet to pay for my quesadillas would bring up questions as to my status with or without him, I would have made him put it back immediately. As soon as he signed the receipt for our meal, it was my duty, as a girl, to question his every move towards me thereafter. 

Here lies the biggest problem with dating. Thinking.

When it all comes down to it, maybe choosing suitors for your child when they are born isn't too terrible of an idea. I mean, I'm all for the idea of marrying for love and finding someone who completes you, blah blah blah, but had I trusted my parents judgment on my relationships I could have kept myself out of some major issues. Not that they didn't try. My parents mean well, and in the grand scheme of things most of their decisions that they have helped me make have really benefitted me. (Save, of course, when my mom suggested I read 1984 by George Orwell for my sixth grade science fiction project. I was just starting to grasp democracy, and here she is making me read a satire of a totalitarian society...I enjoyed it much more in high school) Their picking of a suitor would have helped with a lot of sleepless nights and hindsight is 20/20 moments. Parents mean well. 

Or, I'm just incredibly lazy, and think too much about this. (But, I already saved my ass on saying that earlier)

Either way, dating has either become something way more stressful than it should be or always has been. I still wish all my vivacious single friends all the luck in the world. That scene isn't for me. 

Thanks for reading

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The Good: 

• Wing night at Tony's...$4.50 pitchers and great friends
• Talking to the HR woman for Washington County Public Schools and learning I can start subbing as soon as my screening clears (in two weeks!) 
• Telling my manager at LHBP that I'll need to limit my hours there when I start subbing
• My kitty attacking my boyfriend's lap top case
• My boyfriend in general

The Bad:

• Our district manager came in today. I didn't greet her. I got in trouble
• Spending 7 hours putting away bras and not really having customers
• Closing on aforementioned wing night
• Not being too sure what I'm getting into with this subbing business

The Ugly: 

• My parents left yesterday. I miss them. 

Perhaps, a silver lining?

So sorry I've been in a slump these past few days. The retail world has gotten to me quicker than I expected. I feel like the whole world is belittling me or doing things just to make me feel like a moron, which I don't like. And, will someone please explain the international appeal of Hagerstown, Md.? I have had more non-English speaking customers and customers visiting from other countries in the past week it's been ridiculous. All I know is, if I had family or friends overseas and they came to visit, I wouldn't make them endure Hagerstown, especially with our proximity to D.C. To each his own, I suppose. 

The monotony of it all has just put me in this irritable slump that I can't seem to get out of. The juices of creativity just aren't there and I have absolutely nothing to say. I go to work, and while there I put bras on hangers and curse people who mess up my panty tables. My managers tell me I don't know any better and send me home. I get frustrated, sit on the couch like a lump and write in my blog. Something has to change. 

It can't all be or stay bad though, right? Absolutely not. 

I arrived home today to discover a missed call from Washington County Public Schools. My heart skipped beats as I listened to the voice mail. A woman from Human Resources is interested in pursuing interest in my application to substitute teach to the next level. I can sign up for a time to get my finger printing done on Monday if I give her a call back. 

Relief. 

I wanted a subbing gig from the moment I decided to come back here. It will give me a bit more insight into education before I enter it as a student again and will also help get my foot in the door in a local school system. If I can secure a position, I'm going to reduce my hours at LHBP to give me a few days off during the week to be open to sub. 

Things could certainly be looking up as far as me feeling restless, useless and bored. 

I'm optimistic for the first time in a few weeks. Now, to help this get off the ground without too much turbulence. 

Thanks for reading. 

Lacking in creativity

I'm exhausted from working all week and distracted by The Daily Show, so here's a quick rundown on the good, the bad and the ugly of my day. 

The Good: 

• Waking up to a kitty who sat with me and purred as I tried to wake up
• Hanging out with Jillian and discussing the possibility of her moving in
• Putting down the sunroof and singing (belting) "American Pie" all the way to work
• Barack Obama's book Dreams from my Father
• Starting my day with some Sun Salutations on my yoga DVD
• Eating Chips Ahoy! cookies and watching The Daily Show
• Knowing that tomorrow, I won't be at L'eggs Hanes Bali Playtex
• My pink quilt

The Bad: 

• My mums are looking pretty sad and wilty these days
• Pulling Marley off of the tops of the cabinets, only to find her covered in dust
• Having to clean tomorrow
• Not having time to cook a fresh dinner

The Ugly:

• Rude customers who feel the need to talk down to me
• Being this tired from working all week

Kitty and I are getting along just fine. My family is coming to visit tomorrow! 

Thanks for reading.