Cynics have all the fun.

First, the good. The Vagina Monologues went off without a hitch. People made comments that we put on the best performance of the show they had seen at Shepherd, which is truly an honor. There has been an incredible amount of talent in the show in Shepherdstown in the past few years, I'm so proud to be among them. 

People told me I made mother's cry with my piece, my own mother told me I really captured the emotions that a woman experiences when she goes through childbirth. 

There were 600 performances of The Vagina Monologues across the country this weekend. At our own little show, we raised somewhere over $1200 for the Shenandoah Women's Center. I can't even imagine the sort of revenue performances in big cities brought in. It was such an empowering experience for me. I missed the stage. I missed the adrenaline. I missed the feelings of happiness I used to draw from it. It was incredible. 

I expected more people to come. So many people said they were excited to see me, to support the cause, or experience the show for the first time. Countless, countless people. 

The usual suspects, Jillian, Kelly, John, my mom, Becca, Neena, and Marie occupied a row on opening night. All but John were V-Day Virgins. They really enjoyed the show, and it was so nice to have people to look out at when I was talking. It had been so long since I performed, my performance anxiety was really up there. I saw them laughing...which was incredible. 

I expected more people to be there on Saturday. Actually, I expected people to be there period. I found out right before the show that there was a required concert, and I figured everyone else would be out because of Valentine's Day. Still...I wanted someone to be there. 

When I talked to my mom about this she called me the last optimist. I honestly believe people when they tell me things. Especially things like, "I'll be there." People tell me things a lot. I'm always disappointed with no follow through. Last night was important to me. It really threw me off, I think my better show was Friday. So I guess it's best that everyone came that night. 

Still, I just wish...if people weren't going to do something...they would tell me. I believe in the best possible scenario. I believe people mean everything they say. It's my favorite quality about myself. It's also the reason I've been burned in relationships so much, and the reason I am so easily disappointed. My friends know this about me. I wish they would remember. 

I really should just conform to the general cynical outlook the rest of my generation has. I just don't want to. It just seems so much less hurtful.